All Things Huge and Hideous by G. Scott Huggins

The full novel-length version of the hilarious Doctor to Dragons by Scott Huggins is out now, including the orignal short stories and adding many more, so it’s time to revive the theme song!

IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THANK A TEACHER.

IF YOU CAN READ THIS AND YOU HAVEN’T BEEN FED TO THE DRAGON, THANK A VET.

That’s me, Dr. James DeGrande. Fire-lizards deflamed, dire-rats spayed, flea and tick removal a speciality. I’m your local veterinarian, but I’m also a slave of the Dark Lord. I’ve hired a new assistant Harriet, who is almost a witch. I just hope that she can do better than my last assistant who … almost survived.

There’s no more heroes anymore. That’s because they were all fed to the Dark Lord’s pet Dragon after the last War.

It’s not the easiest position from which to make the world a better place, but I might be able to do something about the dragon. If His Darkness’s vampiric Prime Minister doesn’t do something about me first. It’s time to go see my patients, and hope they don’t see me first.

“A rollicking adventure that hits all the right notes.” –Christopher Ruocchio, Award-Winning Author of The Sun Eater Series

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Artwork by Becky Hale
Lyrics and vocals by Ben Zwycky

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Reviewer Praise for Doctor to Dragons

Doctor to Dragons has its first review on amazon, and from a fellow veterinarian, no less (though sadly one of non-magical creatures):

“I loved the idea of a fantasy book from the perspective of a veterinarian. As a veterinarian, Mr. Huggins did an amazing job of expressing a veterinarian well. The stresses and joys. The quick thinking and the problem solving. I had never thought about what it would be like to do surgery on a dragon, but since reading this book, I have dreamed about it and it is amazing! I regularly think about what I need to do to protect myself and staff from potentially aggressive patients, but am now very happy that I don’t treat basilisks! Thank you for an amazing entertaining story!!”

There you have it, what better seal of authenticity could you ask for? Don’t delay and dive into the exciting world of dragon surgery, with occasional forays into the wonders of basilisk balms, chimera cures, troll treatments and orc ointments.

As you descend to the waiting room with your beloved but beleaguered beast, feel free to soothe its nerves by singing along with the Dark Lord’s favourite elevator music. You know you want to:

 

Doctor to Dragons is Launched

A new hilarious collection of short stories by G.Scott Huggins (which I edited) has been released today by Superversive Press:

The Dark Lord’s favorite dragon is constipated. Dr. James DeGrande, veterinarian and orc-slayer, is going to have to deal with it.

This one could get messy.

“Everyone says it was better in the Good Old Days. Before the Dark Lord covered the land in His Second Darkness.

As far as I can tell, it wasn’t that much better. Even then, everyone cheered the heroes who rode unicorns into combat against dragons, but no one ever remembered who treated the unicorns’ phosphine burns afterward. Of course, that was when dragons were something to be killed. Today I have to save one. Know what fewmets are? No? Then make a sacrifice of thanks right now to whatever gods you worship, because today I have to figure a way to get them flowing back out of the Dark Lord’s favorite dragon. Yeah, from the other end. And that’s just my most illustrious client. I’ve got orcs and trolls who might eat me and dark elf barons who might sue me if their bloodhawks and chimeras don’t pull through. And that doesn’t even consider the possibility that the old bag with the basilisk might show up.

The only thing that’s gone right this evening is finding Harriet to be my veterinary assistant. She’s almost a witch, which just might save us both. If we don’t get each other killed first.”

If that wasn’t enough, here is a promotional video (thought up during a sleep-deprived creative frenzy) that inflicts my vocal stylings upon your ears, and I must warn you it shall not be the last such torture to accompany a book launch, so be afraid!

Click the image below to grab the book for yourself.

The paperback version can be found here

For those of you who want to subject yourself to the full song, see below: